Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
