Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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