I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
