if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
