Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
