If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
