their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
