you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
