Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
