She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize