I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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