I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
this is an emotional support booty call
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
