i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
