if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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