So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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