am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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