Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
