MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
