Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
