We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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