i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
