White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
