Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
