i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
