Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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