So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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