his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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