Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
