My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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