so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
