the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
this beer tastes like vomit already
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
