Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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