Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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