Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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