I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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