I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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