Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize