I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
In America we eat man semen.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
