TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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