I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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