This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize