he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
