I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize