Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
