how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
