so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
