walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My vagina is very pro this idea
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
