Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
