eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
