I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize