Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
