Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
