I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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