"it" just moved
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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