I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
