I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
