He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
