my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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