Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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