ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
