id be glad to
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My vagina is officially offended.
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