I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
