You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
