it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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