Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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