he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
