Where is the hickey?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
