Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
