Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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