the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
