im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He? As in you personified your dick?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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