Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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