Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
