If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
