ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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