I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize