I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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