Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
