God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
