this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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