Christians are straight up FREAKS
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
