PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
