i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize