Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
