nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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