first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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