i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
