so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize