In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
