i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
