My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
