Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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