just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
