oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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