Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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