what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
