No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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