By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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