and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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