so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
