i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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