you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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