You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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