I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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