1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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